Longtime ‘If They Only Knew’ column by Stephanie Regalado turned into book of 60 anonymous stories celebrating perseverance of women

Fourteen years ago, Stephanie Regalado stood in front of a packed city hall chamber to receive an award for the contributions of her nonprofit in the community.

No one in the room had any idea that she was in the middle of miscarrying her 14-week-old baby.

“If they only knew,” she thought.

Later that evening, she thought about the possibility that others in attendance were also suffering silent heartache or trauma.

She wrote about her experience anonymously in the debut issue of Spokane CDA Woman magazine, where she was editor. Regalado called the column “If They Only Knew” and invited readers to share their stories anonymously.

“Anonymity unleashes women to tell their stories – stories they may have never told anyone, not their husbands, not their friends,” she said.

Women responded, and the column became a must-read in the magazine.

“I knew I wanted to turn it into a book,” she said.

Regalado began sifting through more than 100 stories 3½ years ago.

“The ones I chose not to include didn’t feel deep enough,” she said. “I wanted to make sure people were on the other side of their story, not in the thick of it.”

The 60 selections in “If They Only Knew” are told in first person. The book is divided into six parts ranging from motherhood to community. Regalado penned introductions to each section and polished the submissions in the editing process while ensuring she kept each writer’s unique voice.

She found an agent, and her book was shopped to traditional publishers, but most balked at printing anonymous stories.

That was a deal-breaker for the author.

“I felt so protective of these women,” she said.

She also wanted readers to absorb the narratives without picturing a specific person.

“I really wanted readers to walk through someone else’s story.”

Finding no luck in traditional publishing, Regalado launched her own company, SheSays Media. She published several journals through the company and released “If They Only Knew” last year.

In March, it was the featured book at YWCA’s Women of Achievement Luncheon.

From the trauma of familial rape to the brutality of domestic violence to the shame of being “the other woman,” each story in the book reveals a secret that leads the authors to wonder what others would think “if they only knew.”

One particularly haunting tale of a young teen videotaped being sexually assaulted at a party prompted Regalado to do more than edit the story. The writer had discovered the footage was still in existence and circulating among men in her hometown.

“I offered to help the writer seek justice,” writes Regalado in a postscript. “Regardless of statutes, child pornography is a federal offense, and this video served as evidence of a horrific child rape. The writer chose to share her story with her husband, who immediately began working with authorities to help stop the horror.”

Other stories are not as graphic but still pack an emotional punch. They include tales of estranged mothers and daughters, troubled marriages, and women struggling to find footing in workplaces or communities.

“Relationship challenges resonate with me,” Regalado said.

“Shame holds many women back from leaving relationships that don’t honor them. Women who work their way through that find strength on the other side.”

“If They Only Knew” is the first book in a series she plans to write, and she has an open call out for submissions on her website and in the book.

“Most of the stories leave me in a space of healing and emotional growth,” she said. “I hope the book leaves the reader softer and more forgiving and filled with grace for themselves and others.”

Contact Cindy Hval at dchval@juno.com.